Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
