i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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