My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
