Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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