That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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