I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
