Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize