Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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