I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Randomize
