just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
