The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
