Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize