at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
