clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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