They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
