mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize