I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
