it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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