not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i will never coherently bang her
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Sext me about skeletons
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
