in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
