my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
