I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
