I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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