I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize