plz talk dirty to me
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
