There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
