wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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