Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
