I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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