Just fell off a train. Bad.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
