I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
