She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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