Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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