all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
