My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
