how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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