M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Just cropdusted the office
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
