Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
