You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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