3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
