I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
