3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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