I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
