Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Never let your siblings swipe right.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
