Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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