Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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