My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
