Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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