you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize