she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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