So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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