The maid of honor just puked.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
