well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
