apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
