Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
