saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
