You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Sober January is a disaster.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
