She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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