She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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