his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
