So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
