New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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