You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
