we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
she pinky promised me she was 18
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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